HE knows best.

Hubs is going to Medical School this year. Don't ask where we're going because we have no idea.

But, it's interesting how things are turning out. Isn't it weird we think we know the best and think our will is God's will? You would think after twenty five years, I would've learned a lesson.

How often do we get angry, upset at our Heavenly Father when things do not turn out the way we expected. I've already lost count.. But, I do know, in the end, everything happened the way it did for a better reason. 

Short story- when I was applying to college, I only applied to BYUH and BYU. Although I grew up in Utah and loved it, I did not want to suffocate myself in the high elevation and coldness. I was so sure BYUH would be the place.After all, my heart would go crazy in high elevation or cold weather so Utah was out of the question.  A month before leaving for Hawaii, I remember watching 50 First Dates and having "visions" of my sunny days in Hawaii. Coconut water, sun-bathing, sushi everyday... I also dreamed of marrying a very dark and muscular Polynesian as well. When I told my parents, church members they all told me they had a feeling I should go to Provo. 'Uhh. yeah right! Are you the one with the heart problem? NO! I am. And I know my heart can't handle Provo. My cardiologist said I would do better at sea-level locations' I would yell at them in my mind.

However, Lo and behold, when I got to Hawaii, I had SVT (Supraventricular Tachycardia) episodes every other hour! Even in Logan, at the most, it happened twice a day. After three days, I knew Hawaii was just not the place. It was so difficult and frustrating to understand why His will was not mine.
How silly to think His will has to be mine when I am the one that must learn to make my will become His will. My parents felt as if it was Heavenly Father's way of telling me Hawaii was not for me. After coming back home to Korea, I didn't have an episode for months. Weird, huh? After a year, I reluctantly found my way back to Utah. My heart did have random episodes but maybe every other month. I met the most amazing friends at BYU and of course, my Davie. I was also able to receive an ablation surgery and my SVTs are gone forever!! So, in the end, Provo really was the place for me and He knew that is where I had to spend my college year. Only the best happened in Provo. Thank you my dear Lord for being so patient and loving even when I am so impatient and hard-hearted.

God really does know what is best for us. He would never guide us into something without a good reason. Knowing that, my heart is at peace. Can't lie, I'm anxious, nervous, and scared. Just a little more patience and we will know where the next four years will take place. Prayers would be much appreciated. Here are some pics of schools David just *might* attend. Any guesses?

 

Moi Green Babies

Every time I scroll down the FB news feed, I pause to linger at a picture of a baby or toddler that a proud mommy posted. At church, when I really should be paying attention to the meetings, all I really do is stare at all the chubby little babies that are crawling around or squirming for freedom in their mommy's bosom. And my oh my they are so freaking adorable! One family has four girls and literally every Sunday, one of them throws a very shrilling tantrum, especially the third one. She yells at her dad, "stop touching me." I think she's maybe three.. lol. The dad is bald. David believes daughters will do this to their dad. He shudders at the thought of having only girls while I daydream of frills, lace, rainbows and butterflies.

 It doesn't help that I have these adorable nieces and my sister-in-laws posts pictures on FB all the time. Once I asked David if Matt and Alissa might let us borrow Libby. Or if one of his sisters would let me be their nanny if we moved to Texas.  His oldest sister has thee girls (my ideal), and Kate just had a baby. (I just need to hold a baby right now... Anybody?? ) Rachel, bless her heart, has three boys. (You're going straight to heaven Rachel)! He thinks I'm creepy, which I probably am.When I am exhausted out of my mind at work or having a bad day, I ask my sister-in-law Alissa for a video of Libby or I text a friend to send me a picture of their baby..

And there you have it, I am baby hungry, very very baby hungry to the max.

Unfortunately, I do not have the privilege to carry my own child due to my abnormal heart. David and I will either have to adopt or seek out for a surrogate mother. Sigh. Sometimes, life is so unfair. I know I'm being childish and ungrateful. Being born with a messed up heart, I should be grateful for the fact I am alive this very second and breathing in this (horrid) Utah air. But, when life seems so normal, you forget to count your blessings and become selfish. Sometimes, I ask God why He refuses to give me what I want most and end up angry. It's the 'if you loved me, why won't you give me what I want?' childish and bratty phase I go through.. All I want is my own children! Is that too hard to ask? Everyone else around me seems have countless little munchkins surrounding them but me.

Well, since we need to patient and wait until we have enough money to adopt or find a surrogate mother (which will really be never) I decided to fill my emptiness by starting a new hobby (the brilliant idea was mine. All the hard work was done by my very patient husband) - gardening!
Well, for now we are in the testing phase! I actually had given up because the seeds we planted refused to release themselves out of the soil. You darn stubborn seeds!

However, look at these green specks now! Here are my little babies trying so hard to grow. Can't explain how excited I was to see these actually grow. I might have jumped up and down when I saw one of them shyly nudging its way out. heehee. For now, I am content with my green babies.

P.S., Here a some pics of our adventures in the past month.:

First time cooking asparagus.

A day in Provo. Hubs dragged me to a Finance Seminar at BYU specifically for couples. In return, I begged that we spend a night so I could hang out with my girlfriends. I love the hubs but was itiching for some girl time!
Btw, Emily and Rebecca are single. Only the brave get the beautiful!!

My one and only-  Love dragging him to Barnes and Nobles.