Anxious

Summer of 2013 will be a huge transition for us. We are leaving (tearfully) Utah. The Beehive State. Saying adios to the Rockies and to the LDS community. Bye bye to Cache Valley, Aggie icecream, annoying BYU freshman. No more making mean faces at the dumb U kids. I don't know how David feels but for me, just thinking about departing this state makes me teary. I used to "joke" about wanting to flee Utah the minute I graduated from BYU. But, this is my home state. I spent a good twenty-ish years in this State. Most of my friends, my family resides in the Beehive. I am saying goodbye to the place I spent as a child and as a college student. I used to be so anxious to leave this bloody cold weather, the elevation, the "white" state. Now, I'm not so sure. After I see my friends and my sister, I think about leaving and honestly, it kind of seems like I'm facing a death sentence. When I get really anxious/sad/creative, I imagine a few scenarios:

1.Texas:  Locked up in our apartment with a broom in my hand, furiously swatting at all the bugs and mice.In my other hand, a Spanish dictionary. My hair never makes peace with the humidity so it will forever be a knot.I will have many Asian friends but unable to communicate with them as they will be jiberring away in Espanol. I imagine a very irritated sister that will soon refuse my calls (she speaks Spanish). I also imagine a lot of guns and Baptists church in the background. Did I mention beans and burritos? 

2. Wisconsin: I will be buried in the snow and ice. I religiously carry a book that educates me on how to speak better Ebonics. I imagine myself also religiously calling Ms.Davis every single day begging her to come back home. If we move to Wisconsin,Rebecca better move back to Wisconsin. I do not see any Asians and for the first time in my life, I will be one of those extinct races. If I get lucky, I befriend some Hmong people. Any Asian race is better than none. Somewhere in the background I imagine bellbottoms, Ashton Kutcher, cheese, and frick ton of snow. Oh, and a good LDS community as well. Did I mention snow again?

3.. Ohio: Umm.. I only learned about Ohio in Grey's Anatomy. I hear it's bone-chilling cold in the winter. And, it's very diverse. Very expensive. Ignorance, I know, but until I looked it up I actually thought Ohio was in the middle of nowhere. Why did I think of Lake Loise, I do not know. 

4. Pittsburgh: Call me ignorant but all I imagine is the Dark Knight Rises (Joseph Gordon Leavitt, mm~), Hines Ward, and Emily Han being in the picture. Oh, and once again, the Ebonics dictionary. In the background somewhere, I imagine being terrified of the diversity going on. "Yo, where are my Asian homies?" And did I mention Emily Han again? She lives somewhere in Philly, right? Can't be too far away. I also think about the football stadium and once again, Joseph Gordon Leavitt. 

Pittsburgh- At least I will dream of Joe oppa everyday.

Folks, why is there so much to factor in when making a decision? Can't my husband just hurry and make up his mind? And why can't the rest of the darn Med Schools make up their freaking minds as well? I want to know my future.

Medical School determines absolutely EVERYTHING in the Eng house right now, everything!!!
: Korea, Florida,money, my job, my future wardrobe- can I throw away my winter clothes? Food- do I need to start training myself to like beans or not? Will I get to finally meet Joseph Gordon Leavitt and confess my undying love for him? Do we need to start eating like college students again-Ramen and Mac& Cheese or can we actually spent more and eat healthier? When can I start imagining what my future will look like in the next few months?   argargarg. Everyday is a battle for me. Must stop giving the Rockies my love, must emotionally distance myself away from Utah. Must stop crying every other day thinking about it. Understanding Heavenly Father's will is the most complicating thing. Father in Heaven, what is thy will? Yay or nay to beans or burritos? Prayers will be much much appreciated. Yes, I am worried to death. What is my husband doing while I furiously type away my concerns? I'll give you three guesses.